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[May. 12th, 2008|12:12 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | I Am Rammstein -- Voltaire | ] |
If I could give any credit or thanks to my "ex" (who's probably pushing 30 right now, but keep that on the down low), it's indirectly introducing me to Voltaire. Not that French guy, but the musician. He's so wonderfully geeky and while living the goth stereotype, he easily makes fun of it. Granted I'm not too big on his recent stuff (okok, post-Boo Hoo), but I can't not like him
I only say this because I've been listening to him all damn fucking day. But really, you can't help but not sing along to "Bomb New Jersey." He says what we're all thinking, man.
One of the perks about dieting is getting incredibly excited when you're about to have a food you like. Case in point: Grandma, as much as I hate her, made homemade macaroni and cheese and I am at this point in the night drooling in anticipation.
Speaking of foodstuffs, my cat likes Oreos. I made the unwise decision of eating those snack pack Oreos next to her, so she was all up in my grill trying to knock the package out of my hand and play with the cookies. To sate her and Bella I let them sniff one, and Caska began chewing on it. I humored her, but of course didn't give her it. I told mom this when she called a few hours ago and she said giving her a tiny piece won't hurt her. So I did, and she ate it. When did my cat become a dog? ):
To lessen the FFXI-related bullshit here, I made a blog at wordpress specifically for it. Which I'm going to update now, actually.
I haven't had my Lexapro in a few days so I'm feeling a huge bit of fucking wonky right now. Sry. |
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[May. 11th, 2008|12:59 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | Pray! -- Apocalyptica | ] |
Well, after much waiting, hair pulling, and getting yelled at by a mother, I'm playing FFXI and I hate Bastok very, very much. I love Windurst so much, but I wanted the racial perks of starting in your own nation (Hume). None of the guilds I want are there. Oh well.
Warcraft's economy really spoiled me. There was always some way to earn easy money. This... not so much.
I'm -not a surprise at all- Alnora on Carbucle. In case you wanted to know. Or something. |
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[May. 9th, 2008|01:35 am] |
This is a copy pasta and will probably get me nowhere, but I have to try. I probably did something naughty.
My mother told me about 15 minutes ago about a call she got this morning on the home phone - a woman asking to speak to me about "pictures and images." I asked mom if she said anything other than that and said no.
Now this is bugging me. I NEVER give out person information online, especially a phone number, unless it's needed for website registration. Which leads me to believe the person who tried to contact me is involved with one of these sites. Needless to say, this is bothering me. I don't know if the call was came with positive or negative information or news for me. So, I post this in hopes that whoever this woman is works for this site. If so, please email me at vanitysruin @ gmail.com |
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[May. 8th, 2008|07:37 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Enter Sandman -- Apocalyptica | ] |
Like I needed another reason to hate DeviantArt.
VIVA!
There are so many sites like DA -photo communities where images are uploaded and critiqued- without all the politics and greed. I wish people would see this and move away from them. |
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| Dancing in Korean |
[May. 6th, 2008|03:16 pm] |
It figures. The one night I don't watch Colbert Report and the epic dance-off between him and Rain finally happens. And it was epic to say the least.
Rain.
Hoping to get FFXI by Friday or Saturday. Going without a MMO is killing me. There's just so much free time on my hands and absolutely nothing to do. Online games help pass that time, but as you know beta games are... beta games. Sure there's dozens of Ragnarok private servers, but that game is dull as all hell. Wish there was an update on Ragnarok II. 3D environment plus the soundtrack by Yoko Kanno equals a win on the highest and purest level.
New layout. And by new layout I mean I added a graphic.
So bored. Can't focus. |
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[May. 3rd, 2008|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | White Trash -- Junior Senior | ] |
I've been bad about checking LJ lately. Been playing a lot of Final Fantasy IV and a whole lot of general laziness and sleeping in because the sun hasn't been out in a few days. And speaking of games I play on an emulator (hush hush), have any of yall played Seiken Densetsu 3? If not, I suggest you do, for it is choice. Fuck, I'll even give a link so you don't run the risk of spyware that most ROM sites have: Leaf Saber is the best saber... Once I'm done with FFIV I'll probably start another game up, with Lise/Rizse/the bitch with the spear as the main character.
And in other gaming news, I'm quitting WoW indefinitely. I will play it again, as I would love to get my hunter to 70, but playing for a year has left me a little warn out and a break is needed badly. That raptor baffles almost every hunter I come across, in terms of its height. It's the same height as that toon - a female dranei, who are incredibly hot, tail and hooves and all.
But getting to the point here. I've recently had an incredible, insatiable urge to play FFXI again. Well, I say again like I actually played it. It was... rather incomplete. I first bought the game back when it was originally released in North America for the PC. Every time I opened the program up, after the playonline launcher dealie, the game made my computer crash, each and every time resulting in a blue screen. Needless to say, it blew. I managed to create and play a character -a female elvaan monk- for all of an hour. Actually, I can credit FFXI for giving me the pseudonym "Alnora." It appeared in the name generator and just loved it.
I have to ask though; how are the servers? I mean population. It's been quite a few years since I last played and I'm sure the population has decreased, but not enough to not find a party, right? At the moment, I'm not too bothered by the random server you get dropped into as I don't know anybody I talk to often that plays.
Lunch at The Daily Planet tomorrow~ |
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[Apr. 26th, 2008|09:09 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Bomb New Jersey -- Voltaire | ] |
Well, went to church in LaGrange at 5:30. Not like I had anything better to do on a Saturday evening. I never do. Alessa goes in for heart surgery again tomorrow, and the family usually goes to church the day prior to go have her blessed. I went because I was pretty bored, and I haven't been inside a church since I was 9, and that was a casual visit too. Like it was 8 at night and the church was cramped and dark and incredibly creepy and I was forced by my brain to leave.
I sure felt like a fish out of water, lol. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. My knowledge of Catholicism is incredibly low... much like my knowledge about everything else. I don't remember much about the sermon honestly, as Alessa kept me very busy, running from her mother's lap to mine and teasing me with Goldfish crackers. I remember the singing and not knowing what page was being sung from the textbook that are hymns; feeling a little left out when everybody spoke on cue; all the peaces. You know, when the father says peace about 10 times in a row and you know you're gonna have to shake somebody's hand soon. I was such an idiot and kept saying hello out of habit.
By the end of the thing, I was parched and though, "Christ's blood sounds very good about now."
After everybody left and father greeted them as they exited, he came back to our group and blessed Alessa and talked to us. Very nice guy. We went out separate ways, mom and I going out for dinner. Feeling particularly fat and content right now. But I will say, being short ain't all it's cracked up to be. I went to the cashier to get change for $5, three people there and they all ignored me. They saw me, they knew I was there, but maybe they thought I was lost. Turning 21 and people still think I'm 14. And to think I'm only going to shrink.
Maybe they're right. I act and talk like I'm 14. |
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[Apr. 19th, 2008|12:45 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | Dead Man's Party -- Oingo Boingo | ] |
( A written challenge. Not fanfiction, sillies. Actual written on paper content. )
If you can't read that trainwreck I call my handwriting, what I mean is if you have a scanner, instead of typing an entry (no matter what blogging service you use), write one up. It... breaks the monotony. And it's gotta be a scanner -- no camera phones.
And if you get my "Go Quakers" reference, I will give you mouth love. If you take part in my little monotony breaker, I will also give the mouth loving. |
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| Gonna rock ya body till Canada Day. |
[Apr. 16th, 2008|05:46 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | I'm Happy But You Don't Like Me -- Asobi Seksu | ] |
Enjoy. |
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[Apr. 15th, 2008|03:09 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Conquistador I -- Juno Reactor | ] |
Deanna is coming over.... staying over for a week. I'm not particularly excited about this turn of events. Fucking spring break, they had Easter vacation last month! Their district lets them have way too many vacation days. So that means I have to watch every item my mom and I own for 5-7 days like a hawk. Just last week she stole brand new and expensive shampoo and conditioner bottles. Sigh. I'm not saying I didn't steal a thing or two in my life, but that was when I was a kid - I grew out of it. She's 16. She needs to grow up.
( This is Alessa, eating a cookie at 9 in the morning. I was extremely jealous. )
She's gonna be 2 next month. It feels so strange. Anyway, the event was what I predicted it to be: Okay for the first hour or so then I realize I'm surrounded by family and things turn a little miserable. It's my grandmother, man. She knows just exactly what to say to make everybody around her go from good to shitty in 2 seconds. What completely soured me though was my aunt's brother - he brought a SEGWAY to a charity WALK. He rode it wherever he went and even did the walk on it. Just... you don't do that. But his wife was a really nice woman. They both live in New Jersey, but she's an Arlington alum like me. I don't know what year, but I can imagine it was during the 70's, back when it had a north and south campus, south now being LaGrange middle school. Now that I think about it, I think I talked to her more than I talked to anybody total.
Alessa let me pick her up, which she hardly lets anybody do. It was a little bit of a hassle though because the bill of my hat kept bonking her on the head and I had to hold her away from me. Then as we all went to drive back home she let me kiss her and I melted a little, but not in public.
I may be going to a concert at the Mohegan Sun on Memorial Day, but I know better than to get my hopes up when it comes to Gena and her plans.
Oh god she's here. -_- |
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[Apr. 1st, 2008|02:15 pm] |
You do realize that after today your grandmother is going to tell you "You got Rickrolled!"
See, this is why I wanted to avoid the internet today: it turned into a 4chan meme overnight. Fuck you internet and what you think is funny and cool. Fuck you right in the ass.
To combat this stupidity, have some Snowman... which is equally as stupid. But we can all admit Trey and Matt are better than Rickroll.
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[Apr. 1st, 2008|01:41 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | Dead Girls -- Voltaire | ] |
Since it's technically April Fools' in this part of the world, it's time to make myself scarcely seen. I try to avoid this day like I avoided picture day and math tests in school. It's a tradition to make people feel like idiots and lie... I hate liars.
RAW was good tonight? I think that means the Sun is going to die soon.
Since I'm procrastinating about paying my WoW account and it's been frozen for about 3 days, I had to find another online game to calm the shakes. I found Mabinogi. Sure it looks like just another Korean beta, but it's really refreshing, as far as MMO's go. It takes elements I love from MMORPG's and mixes it with the elements of Animal Crossing and Viva Pinata. And the nice thing is: no grinding! Absolutely no grinding is necessary. You move at your own pace. There are no "epic lootz" so you're in no hurry. You can enjoy things like fishing and cooking, hell, even playing the lute. People actually do gather around the fires and listen to music you play. It's social without being an entirely social game like SecondLife.
I'm on server 3 so if you do decide to try it out, holla at ya boy.
Without my knowing or say, I'm going down to Westchester on the 13th of this month for a charity walk. Ya see, my cousin Alessa, since birth, has had a heart condition and has had more surgeries than I can remember. Maria Fareri is where she is treated. So it's the absolute least we can do for the hospital - by we I mean her parents, her aunts and uncle and I. If I'm actually walking has yet to be determined. Maybe I will, depending on the weather. If you wanna stalk me, meet me in Valhalla. |
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[Mar. 19th, 2008|12:12 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Uranus, Soshite, Neptune -- Sailor Moon S OST | ] |
In light of the newest LJ "strike" (boring, but I do believe the censoring of "faeries" and not "drugs" is a little ridiculous) I've seen the subject of free users and ads on the site come up. Now, I'm the basic user, so I opted to NOT have advertisements cluttering my little slice of the internet just so I can have 3 extra icons, so ads don't effect me, really. But on some people's pages and on LJ itself I see them. You know... google ads. The ones that can give you really random and really messed up results, defeating the purpose of censoring anything all together.
But anyway, my point is: just get an ad blocker and block that which displeases you. I know there are many ad blockers out there, but I found the most effective is AdBlock. It's a Mozilla add-on, but if you're still using Internet Explorer you need a slap anyway. You do have to fuss with it a bit - you know, taking an exhausting two seconds to unblock something, but it's worth it. No more banner ads that make sounds and no random google ads. |
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[Mar. 17th, 2008|01:17 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Flashing Lights -- Kanye West. | ] |
I left Onslaught and subsequently broke up with my husband. Oh well, c'est la vie. Now, to find a new guild... Hell, I can't find PUG groups let alone a guild.
I... suppose this test of willpower/diet/self-induced torture in which I have no idea why I'm putting myself through it is going okay. Mom says she notices a difference, but I'm not sure if she's just saying that as encouragement or if it's actually noticeable. I refuse to exercise so it's not like results are going to be dramatic and sudden.
It's St. Patrick's Day today, isn't it? Not that it matters to me as I'm like, what, 2% Irish with a 1% polling error? Anyway, no matter which way you slice it, I'm American. Sure I have a major Italian ancestry, but when I go to another country I'm not going to say I'm Italian and Irish. I'm American. Lucky me. But the day itself was nice when I was younger. We'd go to my uncle Paul's and have corned beef and cabbage. Well, they had the cabbage, I was just fine with the corned beef.
I have a PC version of Final Fantasy VIII and it doesn't work, go figure. Edea's hot ass has eluded me for yet another day. Damn yous!
P.S. This made me vomit. Just a little. |
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[Mar. 12th, 2008|01:24 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | Eat Yourself -- Goldfrapp | ] |
Honestly, you know what I miss? Having my own web site. Sure it wasn't the most fabulously designed or, let's say original, but I miss knowing that it was there, you know? Knowing I had something of my own, completely and utterly. No ads, no censorship. Being able to store things of indiscriminate size. It's been so long I've completely forgotten everything I knew about html. Ugh. If I wasn't playing WoW I'd chip in for some money for sure. That game (including tax) is about $16 a month give or take, which is what my old service charged me.
I want a better camera. I'm over digital. Speaking of, I'm surprised by the feedback I've gotten for this photo, from the few places I posted it. I'm not used to... you know, positivity on things I create.
I want to lose exactly 6 pounds, which I plan on starting tomorrow. That is if my self control holds out. I'm guessing I'll cave after a day.
I want to watch No Country For Old Men. Badly.
I want Drop Dead Fred on DVD. I'd cry if somebody got it for me.
I want to find another Showtime/HBO series to watch because now that I finished OZ, my life is devoid of any meaning and joy. Not Sopranos, plz.
I want Dave to not be depressed. Then again, it's no surprise he is. As much as I hated him, he's the closest thing to a father figure I've ever had, and this is probably the longest relationship my mother has ever been in, lol.
God damnit, I want my web site back! |
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| Pirates! |
[Mar. 3rd, 2008|05:18 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Ghosts I -- Nine Inch Nails | ] |
Oh Trent, I love you when you keep your mouth shut.
I finally started playing Viva Pinata and for the love of holy fuck shit fuck, it really is quite fun and addicting. I'm in the process of making mad monies by planting and selling chilli, as, um, it's a pain trying to get most of the species to romance. Eh. But, I've been jonsing horribly to play FFVIII again, so I might have to take a rain-check. Maybe I'll get the PC version off of BlackCats. Edea, you hot bitch, why didn't you stay evil?
I took a short walk down the road today and took some pictures in the woods... mostly. Check them out if you want. I'll admit, as much as I like snow, I'm rather sick of it and miss the spring thunderstorms. Won't be happy when the electricity goes out, though.
Since I finished the last season of OZ Mike gave to us a few days ago, and since I won't get the last season until mom comes home tonight, I searched for some videos on youtube to calm the shakes and was glad to find probably the best thing to come out of lackluster season 5.
Toby, baby, I love you and all (especially when you were crazy and had the beard), but cut your fucking hair. I heard small rumors about there being a 7th season because of the great DVD sales. Not sure how to feel about that, plus that's all it is at the time: a rumor.
I found Drop Dead Fred on youtube too, which is the best really early birthday present ever. Maybe Fred got me addicted to green... and his buddy Vince got me going again. /sad Only girls get addicted to colors, I swear to god. |
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[Feb. 17th, 2008|01:49 am] |
I could go for a huge fuck buffalo chicken sandwich right now. Just... I just want one. Late at night, around this time, I always get incredibly hungry. Now I don't eat late because it's bad for you, but rather my stomach rejects anything I eat before I go to sleep -at least 2 hours prior- and it ends up coming back out in one way or another. So fuck you stomach, I don't feel like eating dinner at 10 PM.
I look back at old posts I've made. Not necessarily half a decade old, but maybe a year or two. But I notice how jumbled I come off as... How jumpy my speech is. It's not intentional, really. You see, I have a short attention span, so in turn I have a short memory. If I don't type my exact thoughts at that exact moment, I will forget them and make the point of posting really pointless. So, I type hoping the thought remains intact somewhat. They usually don't, lol. Try as I fucking might, the point is lost to a white background. I apologize for it; I'm not as scatterbrained as I appear. Okay, that's a lie. I'm shy, I stutter, I'm bi-dyslexic or something, I speak quietly - it sure comes off that way. Soooo it's not intentional but I do it anyway. That's better. My real life coherence is just as bad as my internet one.
My mother got me hooked on Oz. I don't know what made me watch it... Probably curiosity mixed with boredom. Mike has most of the seasons on DVD and is letting her borrow them for awhile. So when mom was done with season 1 and was at work I thought I may as well give it a try. So fucking good. In a way I regret not catching the show as it air, but I doubt I'd be able to appreciate it then (I've been watching "adult" stuff since 1992 so don't start that crap, lol). It's like a male soap opera and me and my mom go on about it like two old bitches, oh it's so fun. It reminds me of when mom and I would watch Melrose Place and 90210 together and do the same thing. God, we'd watch everything together.
But anyway. Yeah. It's sad Oz never got the recognition it deserved. Oz and The Sopranos came out around the same time -and oddly enough Edie Falco starred in both shows- but the later ended up being HBO's pride and joy. But both shows are over now so that's in the past.
I'm up the the last two episodes of the second season. I know season 3 has 16 episodes and my head hurts at the thought, heh. I'd have to say though, by far, Beecher is my favorite character and probably my favorite "character" in a long while. Maybe because he's more relatable than most of the felons in Em City, but you feel for him, and his "journey" into Em. He takes you on the journey: him, being you, the normal person who fucked up real bad just that once, taking you through YOUR decent into insanity, grief, anger, and vengeance. Mostly vengeance. Augustus seems to fit that role just as much, too, but I see him more as the voice of Em City, like if the walls could talk; Beecher takes you through the motions. He's like that underdog, the one you want to overcome the odds and rise above, the one you cheer for when he wins a battle and pity when he loses (something).
I haven't liked a character in awhile. But I guess I see something of myself in him. I think we all do... Like being in love with somebody you shouldn't be in love with~ |
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[Feb. 8th, 2008|12:26 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | Know Your Enemy -- Yoko Kanno | ] |
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs.
Did I mention YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?
Okay good.
But it's weird. It's not like I watch many current shows. Heroes and 24 are the only shows I watch being badly effected by the strike. Colbert is awesome with or without writers, but I do say I liked Conan better with writers. Stone me if you must, but I do. I admit, the Colbert/O'Brien/Stewart "feud" climax was amazingly epic. I watch LOST, but I am so completely not caught up to watch it as it airs. I have 3 seasons to catch up on, for reals.
The meds are working their magic, I suppose. I still feel anxious, but not to the point where it becomes a physical problem and beggers can't be choosers; I'll take what I can get. And thankfully the only thing that came back from my blood test was I lacked vitamin B12, only because the antacid medication I take kinda nulls certain vitamins out. Absorbs them? I don't know, my doctor didn't really say. My nurse and doctor were really nice to me. But jesus chirst, since I was dehydrated that morning, the nurse couldn't find a usable vein in my arm and about five minutes later had to use one in my left hand. It hurts a little more than in your arm... kinda like somebody is pinching and twisting.
The Giants win the Super Bowl and as a New Yorker I'm supposed to care.
Somebody give DJ Lance Rock a sammich. You sneeze near him and he's going to land in the Pacific Ocean somewhere. Yo Gabba Gabba makes Lazytown look like drying paint; YGG is a trip. The songs during the cartoon segments are surprisingly good though. I love the one with the dreaming girl. Can we dance?
My guild downed Hydross. There was much celebration and I wasn't fucking there because of the thunderstorm. So bummed. But I have husband now! It was a forced marriage. I cried. Lil laughed. |
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[Jan. 28th, 2008|12:45 am] |
| [ | Music |
| | Sakuran (Terra Version) -- Shiina Ringo | ] |
Feels like I haven't updated in a month... Probably because I don't update much at all anymore. No reason to, really.
I won't talking about HL because I know I'll just end up offending somebody. I offend or piss off people every time I place my fingertips on this dirty keyboard so why hold back now? I dunno. I don't have the energy to get angry or defend myself, heh.
My, uh, anxiety problems really came down hard recently and I kinda lost it so sorry to anybody who got involved with my ranting; I'm still not really in the right frame of mind. It was like a MAC truck, just came out of nowhere and cried and rocked back and forth, the most pathetic situation you can think of I was living. I asked mom that day when she called me from work to get me an appointment to the doctors to do something I've been long avoiding. See, back when I took Lexapro (which is an anti-anxiety medication so you know it must have been another brilliant idea of mine to quit it) I avoided getting the check-up bloodwork done because I've always been extremely petrified of needles. So I was pretty much on the same dosage for years, making excuses not to get the check-up and slowly getting immune to what was already a small dosage. It wore off... while I thought I was over it. Not so.
So anyway, another brilliant idea of mine... which may have been good... was to take the leftover Lexapro I had when I quit. Just one. I knew after being off it so long I'd react to it - that's cool, I'll take my lumps. It was worse than withdrawal. 100 times over worse. One of the worst feelings, I don't have the proper words to explain it. But now that I'm better I think I really fucking deserved the pain I got, because I was a fucking idiot for dropping it in the first place. But it worked: the anxiety and paranoia I had for the past few days is gone. Believe me, it's not some placebo effect. Why would I PURPOSELY make myself go through withdrawal again? I don't hate myself that much.
Medication is extremely expensive, but I never want to go through with that again, ever. Maybe once I go to the doctors and get a higher dosage of the stuff, I can maybe leave the house and not feel like I'm getting sick? I can dream.
My brain is still partially functioning on the little sleep I've gotten the past week, so I can't remember much during that time. I haven't been commenting and I'm sorry for that. Alnora has some issues to sort out and some zzz's to catch. Once that happens it'll be smooth gravy. |
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| I'm a big fan of juxtaposition. |
[Jan. 14th, 2008|04:20 pm] |
| [ | Music |
| | Very Best Years -- The Grays | ] |
It's a sad state of affairs when you live in the suburbs, the goddamn suburbs, and women are raped and robbed at gunpoint on a regular basis. What happened? This didn't happen when I was a kid, not once. What happened?
I know, but people will call me the R word.
I asked my mom what's the purpose of rape --what does it prove?-- because I think I find a reason but it still doesn't make sense (like it shows the man's power in the situation -- "I have a penis rawr."). She said, "Nothing, other than he got off." I guess it's all the reason they need. Never is a woman just robbed or just murdered, they have to be raped too. It's a part of the process. Got your gun, ski mask, and a hard dick.
Not saying the suburbs are safer or any better than major cities... It just happened out of nowhere. No sporadic crimes, it just appeared one day like G-o-d itself put them here.
I hate it here, but it's still my home. The days I spent drawing with chalk on the road, walking to the railroad track and collecting spikes and trying to guess which animal that skull belongs to, leaving the car and house doors unlocked, all fucking gone. It's rightfully depressing. People are killing themselves; vandals, rapists, child molesters, robberies. I want out. |
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alnora's journal
